Align Yourself to What You Want

I want to start this blog with a little bit of backstory, because I want to share my experience with you, in hopes that maybe some way you can relate and find inspiration. This year has been an insane roller coaster for me. Literally, my whole life has flipped itself on its head and taught me lesson after lesson. I’m learning that I’m not the same person I was a year ago, or four years ago, or the person from my past at all. In fact, I find that I am redefining myself as a person altogether.

I moved out of my old location in the day spa to start my own business, for many reasons, but mainly to expand myself in the healing arts. I had been going through this healing process for a couple of years and I wanted to share that with others. After moving, I became enraptured in so many other things. It turns out my life needed to fall apart to get me ready for what was to come. My already bad relationship became much worse and ended and there I was, left to pick up the pieces. I felt more alone than I had ever felt in my  life. I felt like no one could really understand what I went through with this person and there was so much that I didn’t want to talk about. I felt like a failure for not making it work and for not being able to fix the person. But the real lesson was, I couldn’t make anyone be what I wanted. Instead, I had to be what I wanted and attract that which I did want into my life.

The past couple months I spent with this person, I lost focus of my business and my goals. When I ended it, I thought it would fix everything. NEWS FLASH: IT DIDN’T! I no longer knew what I wanted, I had stopped living for me completely and everything felt like an exhausting challenge. I’ve spent the past six months trying to pick up the pieces. But what I couldn’t grasp was that I had to start living for me.

About a month ago, I decided enough was enough. I felt no passion, no enjoyment in life. I had fallen into depression, I didn’t value myself and I felt as though no one valued me. I had stopped putting energy into healing. When asked what I wanted, I couldn’t even answer. My finances for my business had depleted and I was struggling to make it each month. Everything felt like it was falling apart.

It was time to make the decision to recommit myself to myself. I am just in the beginning of that journey now. I started up again doing Light Activation sessions which helped me discover just how depleted I was. I was giving and giving to others and never giving to myself. Imagine trying to feed an army with no food, not even for yourself. And so the process began. In the past couple of weeks, I have started doing things to live for me again. It has been by no means easy. Sometimes I feel like I take one step forward and two steps back. Especially as I’ve begun to realize how little I was doing for myself. The past two weeks have been filled with journaling, internal reflection, and meditation. Most recently, I have been learning that in order to get what I want I need to align myself with what I want.

The truth is, I want to pursue and share Light Activation. I want to have a reasonably light schedule so I have time to fill myself up and give 100% to my clients when I am with them. There is a part of me that doesn’t want to massage anymore, in reality I’m not sure that will ever happen. But massage is just one of my many gifts and I want to use ALL of my gifts.

So now I find myself trying to align with that which I do want. The first step in doing that is asking yourself, “What do I truly want?” Now ask yourself, “What is blocking me from what I truly want?” Then you release it and change. I know it sounds a lot easier than it is. But you can do it, all it takes is a little bit of commitment.

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